It's hard to imagine that almost 2 months have passed since the last entry.
Returning home, starting work, and re-orientating little one and myself back into a totally different kind of routine while entering my final 2 months of pregnancy really has taken more out of me than I predicted!
Here we are, just a little less than a month to go before baby G arrives.
Big brother D is only starting to refer to "di di G" as being "inside mommy's tummy". In one of his darker moods he would even smack the tummy to express some ill-defined, nebulous frustration that life for him will get a little chaotic soon.
On the bright side, D has settled nicely into a routine of sorts, saying good-bye to me when I leave for work in the morning, then spending the morning with the gramps before heading off to Bethesda Kindergarten around noon for half a day. Plus, he's diapers-free most of the day now, and aside from the occasional accidents he's quite capable of bringing himself to the potty to relieve himself for both #1 and #2!
In the evenings, we sit down for a simple dinner with the computer on, connected to the father at his study desk on Skype. Then a bit of TV before milk, a little play, a goodnight kiss to Daddy on Skype, then shower, and bedtime.
This weekend we celebrated Singapore's 44th National Day, and today being a public holiday, I decided to bring him down to West Coast Park for a play with his cousins. Just a couple of shots sans the other littlies, but with his maternal grandma:
D and the ever popular sand pit.
At 35 weeks, am feeling fatigued, heavy, and a little worried that baby G will come out too soon.
At 31 years, am feeling a little old for my age, and wondering how some of my fellow mommy friends never seem to lose their inner little girl, and taking each day in their stride, they seem to enjoy the moments of being amused by their baby's shenanigans.
Came across a facebook profile pic of an unmarried friend with wind blowing in her hair, a beautiful smile set against an awe-inspiring backdrop of a Scottish loch and highland landscape. And something inside me stirred... a deep deep longing that just for a moment, I too, want to be alone again. And redeem my identity untainted by the responsibilities of being a woman in my situation, just me and God and His great awesome creation.
In the seminal parental piece of writing "What to Expect When You Are Expecting", the writers explain that it is perfectly normal for mothers to be so overwhelmed by the sudden change in their lives that many mourn the loss of their selfhood post-partum.
I wonder how much of this loss I can rightfully indulge in even before number 2 comes.