Ok, I admit it.
I've let myself go to pieces in the last four weeks - the longest four weeks of my life, believe you me.
A friend and mentor at a school today was discussing a book she's been reading by writer Elizabeth Gilbert entitled Eat, Pray, Love - which is from what I gather basically her autobiographical journey of self-discovery travelling the world after her marriage failed.
And it seems after you get from Italy to India, it dawns on the reader that you've just been suckered into spending a few hours of your life reading somebody else's total self-indulgence!
I drew an instant parallel. Granted, my marriage is going strong, and unlike Elizabeth Gilbert I have a kid who is a million miles too far away for my liking. But still, I realized that this cannot go on. I'm wasting my own time, and I'm wasting the time of friends who are getting concerned about me reading this blog.
To commemorate my coming out of self-indulgent catharsis, last night, I spent 3 hours giving the whole apartment a good scrub, including the bathroom, which is basically long overdue since I reached here. Of course, what took me so long to clean a small 2-bedroom apartment was because I was also watching the Oscars on TV!
(George Clooney is unbelievably good-looking. And Daniel Day-Lewis, what an actor, and what a poet in real life. Best thank-you speech by far.)
Today, continuing in my streak of productivity, I finished an essay not due till Thursday, went to the gym for half an hour on the treadmill and attended a 45-minute Mat Pilates class.
And I did my laundry.
Hooray! It feels SO GOOD - to have a clean and fresh-smelling little home, freshly laundered and neatly folded and hung up clothes, food in the fridge for a couple more days.
On the flip side, I've completely lost the ability to sleep.
After talking to Dylan on Skype usually till past midnight, I do a bit of quiet time, loiter about till near 2am before turning the lights off.
By 5am, my senses start coming alive again even though my eyelids stay intently shut, cursing myself for being up too early. I toss and turn, turn and toss until I give up trying to redeem lost sleep at 7am.
And the cycle starts again.
If I don't get more sleep tonight, first thing tomorrow I'm going to CVS to get some over the counter sleeping pills.